Handy Tips: How to Properly Ask Anyone for Forgiveness

In Handy Tips, we find ways to improve your life and make it easier and explain why these tips work. Today, we will tell you about an algorithm of a perfect apology.

You screwed up! We don’t want to know how it was: you forgot about your boss’s birthday, you didn’t invite your mother to your wedding, you wiped your laptop with your girlfriend’s cat, and the cat ratted you out. Or you called the obnoxious accountant a viper, and she heard it.

You can maintain a poker face, pretend that nothing has happened, and wait for the accountant to start paying your salary again… But you'd better apologize, and not just somehow, but according to our special apology algorithm.

These 5 key arguments will make an apology effective:

1. Expression of regret

Correct: "I'm so sorry I wiped my laptop with your cat!"
Incorrect: "I'm so sorry you saw me wipe my laptop with your cat!"

2. Explanation of what went wrong

Correct: "I should have thought that your cat is a member of the family as well (and then cry)."
Incorrect: "I should have thought that this fluffy asshole could bite my finger!"

3. Declaration of repentance

Correct: "I will never do that again!"
Incorrect: "The cat will regret that it refused to wipe the laptop!"

4. Offer of repair

Correct: "I'll buy the cat a conciliatory package of shrimp! "
Incorrect: "Come on, the cat is already dusty! Let me buy you an Xbox!"

5. Request for forgiveness

Correct: "I am so sorry! Please forgive me."
Incorrect: All other words.

We have tried this algorithm with several people and accountants. The most effective pair of arguments is an explanation of what you did wrong and a proposal on how to solve the problem.

Psychologically, it works like this: proposing a solution to a problem, that is, an action aimed at resolving a situation, shifts the focus of attention from a negative moment to a positive one, whereas with a usual apology, you fix the attention on your wrongdoing.