Everyone is afraid of conflict because people believe that it is synonymous with quarrel and scandal. And as you know, in a state of confrontation, people want to quickly smooth things over and return to peaceful coexistence. Unfortunately, sometimes it is because of this that the main problem remains unresolved, and you have the same fights and arguments over and over again. In this article, we are trying to analyze typical bad conflict scenarios and how you can change them to deal with conflicts effectively.
Sign 1: You close your eyes to a conflict
Perhaps the most common conflict avoidance strategy is to turn a blind eye to the existence of a conflict. The parties dissatisfied with each other do not discuss at all what does not suit them. At the same time, it is difficult to suppress emotions, so anger is often expressed as if to the side: you complain to your partner about your colleague, and about your partner to your friend. Because of the fear of unpleasant conversations, we often choose to keep quiet about issues altogether – but this is a failed strategy. It has nothing to do with restraining anger over small things – it's about a situation when important issues are not discussed.
Here's what you can do about it:
Remember: if at least one participant of the conflict constantly feels uncomfortable, this should be discussed and changed. Otherwise, the relationship will slowly deteriorate. No one should endure chronic discomfort.
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Sign 2: You leave
Tired of no overtime pay and workplace conflicts, you put a resignation letter on the boss's desk, but after persuasion or promises that your salary will be raised, you take the letter back. You decide not to meet with your friend anymore because communication with her has already become rather unpleasant, but after a month or two, you start to miss her, so you invite her to a bar again. Or you want to end a relationship with a partner, but then you come back because you feel like you can't live without them.
There is nothing wrong with wanting to rebuild a broken relationship or stay at your current job. After all, if you stayed there for so long, there was a lot of good about it. On the other hand, your decision to leave did not appear out of nowhere. Therefore, it is a bad idea to return to the same relationship or the same environment without any changes. Most likely, everything will end like the last time: you will want to leave again.
Here's what you can do about it:
It would be nice to learn to discuss problems and unpleasant feelings as soon as they arise. But it doesn't always work out right away. For a person who is used to enduring unpleasant emotions and situations, learning to speak about even a moderate degree of discomfort is a big change, which sometimes takes years to go to.
Therefore, the second option is for situations when you have already reached the end of the relationship, and now you regret it and would like to rebuild it. In this case, before a headlong plunge into the old pool, new rules should be negotiated. Let each person tell what caused them inconvenience, pain, did not suit them, or seemed unfair to them.
